January 7, 2003
because for your average prokaryote, life ain't easy. from sympathy for the life of bacteria:
If you were bacteria:
- You can have sex, with males possessing a sexual apparatus for transferring genetic information to receptive females. However, since you are both going 30 mph it is difficult to find each other. Furthermore, if you are male, nature gave you a severe problem. Every time you mate with a female, she turns into a male. In bacteria, "maleness" is an infective venereal disease.
- Also, at fairly high frequencies, spontaneous mutations cause you to turn into a female.
- Eukaryotes have enslaved some of your "brethren" to use as energy generating mitochondria and chloroplasts. They are also using you as a tool in a massive effort to understand genetics. The method of recombinant DNA is designed to exploit you for their own good. There is no SPCA to protect you.
- The last laugh may be yours. You have spent three and a half billion years practicing chemical warfare. Humans thought that antibiotics would end infectious diseases, but the overuse of drugs has resulted in the selection of drug resistant bacteria. They didn't realize that this was only the first battle, and now the war is ready to begin.
- Humans think this is their era. A more truthful statement would be that we all live in the age of bacteria.
judging from the way i'm feeling this morning - still battling this persistent east coast bug that i managed to bring home with me from new york - i would have to say that, today, the bacteria are winning.
File under: Ephemera
_____________________
